不要成為剪蛹的人~

Received this article from a friend through a forwarding email. Worth for us to ponder over… Enjoy reading.

對待不肯努力，不懂感恩的孩子不該對他們付出太多，這樣反而:「愛之深，害之深」

孩子，今天你又裝作若無其事地，暗示媽媽，說市中區的房價，又在飆升，如果再不行動，或許以後你和女友，連一間棲息的小屋都沒有。我淡淡地看你一眼，終於沒有像你希望的那樣，說出「媽媽給你們買」的話來。而你，也在這樣尷尬的沉默裡，即刻氣嘟嘟地放下碗筷，摔門出去。

我從窗戶裡看著你遠去的背影，瘦削，懶散，有些玩世和任性，你還是賴在父母懷裡，始終不肯獨立。

可是，親愛的孩子，你已經25歲，一份穩定的工作，一個需要呵護的女友，兩個日益老去的父母，難道這些，還不足以讓你成熟，承擔一個成人該擔負的責任?

從很小的時候，你就習慣有事來找媽媽。
5歲的時候，你要媽媽幫你整理扔得到處都是的玩具；
10歲的時候，看見同學腳上氣派的皮鞋，就哭鬧著讓我也去買來；
15歲的時候，你寫情書給班裡的女孩子，說，我媽媽認識很多的人，誰要是欺負你，儘管告訴我，
20歲的時候，你讀大學，每次打電話來都是抱怨，說食堂的飯菜如此糟糕，為什麼不給我多寄些營養品?
今年25歲的你，在一次與同學閒聊裡，很驕傲地說，我爸媽早已給我備好了買房的錢，我即便是不怎麼奮鬥，也一樣可以過得很好。每一次我都寬容地笑笑，就淡忘掉了。

我習慣了聽你的吩咐，只以為，對你的每一滴好，你自會記得，且在將來我們老去，你已壯年的時候，可以得到你的細心照料。可是而今，你日日回家蹭飯，又時常將女友帶回家來久住，讓依然工作的我，還要為你們的一日三餐奔波勞累。這樣的景況，終於讓我連一絲的微笑，都無法擠出。

我發現，這樣苦掉自己，全力為你的方式，只是使你心底的自私和懶惰，愈是潛滋暗長，無沿無邊。我終於承認，25年來對你無節制的寵愛，是一個多麼大的錯誤。

有一次開玩笑，我說媽媽或許活不到你娶妻生子呢，你一下子便急，說，那怎麼行，將來誰給我們洗衣做飯，誰給我們照料孩子?當時的我，有一種無法言說的憂傷。原來當我們老掉，依然還要為你繼續操勞，直到生命的終點。

我們不是養育了一隻日漸豐滿有力的雄鷹，而是一個寄居的蟲子，它要將滋養了它的鮮嫩的骨頭，一直啃到乾枯腐朽，再無營養。

親愛的孩子，我不得不殘忍地告訴你，你的上半生，與我息息相關，而你以後的道路，我將不再過問。媽媽已經將兼職的工作辭掉，我不能為了你的幸福，而將自己退休後的悠閒時光，交給繼續為你掙錢買房的苦痛中。也請你，從父母的身邊搬走，用自己的薪水租房去住。

孩子，媽媽抱歉，不該這樣愛你。
而你，也應對那些將父母感到疲憊的往昔感到愧疚。
且讓我們，彼此原諒，彼此放手

【不要做〝剪蛹的人〞】呼應上一篇文章

曾經有一種說法：有一個人無意中找到一個蝴蝶蛹。
幾天後，他留意到蛹出現了一個小孔，他就停下來觀察它。
過了幾個小時，他見到裡面的蝴蝶，用它細小的身體掙扎從小孔出來。
看來很久也沒有一些進度，小蝴蝶好像盡了最大努力，也沒有辦法出來。
這個人於是決定幫它一把，找來一雙剪刀將蛹的儘頭剪開。
蝴蝶這樣就很容易出來。
但是這蝴蝶的形態有一點特別，它的身體肥腫，翅膀又細又弱。
這人繼續觀察…蝴蝶…
因為他相信翅膀會漸漸變大；而它的身體會越來越小。
這沒有發生。
小蝴蝶餘生只是托著肥腫的大身體和細弱的翅膀，在地上爬著走。
它永遠也不會飛行。

這個善良的人；
不了解蝴蝶必需用它細小的身體掙扎從小孔出來，它必需經過這個過程，
蝴蝶才可以將身體裡的體液壓進它的翅膀裡。
大自然…在此…有一個很奇妙的設計
就是蝴蝶從蛹中…〝掙扎出來〞；
是為著〝預備〞它將來飛行需要的裝備。

生命裡面的〝掙扎〞是我們必需有的。
如果老天允許我們順利地過一生，我們也許就此不會變得堅強。
也不會…成長。所以當你碰到有逼迫或苦難，記得有人正為你禱告，
最後你也會明白真理在你身上的計劃。
在教養孩子時，要小心喔,我們很容易就成為那〝剪蛹的人〞！

父母亲

近日，我的表姐转发了一封电邮于我，题目为“CHIAO PO & PARENT”。我以为又是一封搞笑的文件，因我将题目翻译为“娇婆与父母”。

打开电邮一看，原来是“焦波与父母”。这是个Power Point Presentation，里面全是以照片记载着焦波父母从六十八岁到人生尽头生活点滴。

看完这个电邮，我有些感触，也有些内疚。

我们一直以来都以孩子为中心，孩子的成长点滴，一举一动，我们都希望不曾错过，希望可以利用相机留著那珍贵的时刻。可是，我们可曾想过将父母平日的点滴，风采留下?焦波说的对，当父母百年归天时，看着派下来的照片，就好像父母还活着。此时此刻，我想起了我的母亲煮饭时的神态，看报纸的表情，我告诉自己，当我现在有机会，我会好好把握。

与你共勉之。

I want to...

The mind is in deep mess and feeling very stress with too many thoughts in mind. 24 hours a day is really insufficient to me. I have so many dreams, i have so many things that i want to do and my work in the office is never end and getting tougher and tougher and heavier and heavier.

For family, i want to spend more time with my baby, hubby, mummy, sister. I want to prepare nice and warmth meal for them, i want to grow up with my baby, i want to continuously share my life and my thought with hubby, i want to talk to my mummy and i want to chat with my sister. I want to grow and at the same time protect our family wealth.

For myself, i want to improve myself and enjoy my life. I want to read magazine, i want to be an active blogger, i want to realise my business plan, i want to learn better social skill, i want to expose to numelogy, i want to read novel, i want to read other people blogs, i want to do household, i want to study more about investment, i want to plan my life, i want to have my hair done and the list goes on.

At work, i have to continuously processing the new loans, reviewing the existing loans, handling the existing customers requirement, meeting up with management expectation, juggling the compliance issues, exploring the potential loan, managing others department queries, attending training, meeting, site visitation, completing the reports, reports and reports.

Oh, please tell me how should i plan for my 24 hours in a day to have all the above being achieved?!

My Wishlist

There are two peoples impressed me very much for the past few days. The first is a trainer for a personal development training i attended on Tues and the other one is my colleague in another department. Both of them have a similar point which is they moved around the organisation to different department and they have moved up to the corporate ladder gradually. I fully understand that the exposure is very important for us who wants to advance in our career and i was ambitious once upon a time. Though i wish i can continuous to move up, i have too many constraints. First, i would say that JB does not have too many opportunities and secondly, i am not longer mobile with family commitment. And again, i fully aware that “If there is a will, there is a way”, may be i am just finding excuses for myself.

Actually, my colleague in other department impressed me not because he is rising when he moved around but his social skill when liaising with client. He is so friendly to not only the boss but also the staff. He can discuss serious topics with the boss yet he can jokes with lower level staff. I have thought of my boss’ boss – Mr. D. Some of my colleague does not like him but i admire him. He too, has a very good social skill. When he communicates to client, be it delivering the bad news, courtesy visits, first time visits, i see the professionalism in him. I hope in one day, i can feel free, have full confidence and show my professionalism when talk to my clients be it business matters or personal happenings.

感动我的文字。。。

Nothing prepares you for motherhood. Suddenly you have all this responsibility and there is no room for failure. (Extracted from Women Weekly, Amy Mastura)

是真的呀！朦朦懂懂的我做了妈。还来不及准备也不懂如何学习，我又做了一年多的妈。一天一脚步，无时无刻的学习做妈。希望自己不会是太差的妈吧!

Fortunate or Unfortunate?

Looking at all the cute babies photos that sent by friend, I can’t put a smile on my face as I am thinking about those babies with abnormalities that showed on the Octo (a Singapore TV Channel programme). I have only watched for 3 episodes but it give me a really big impact. I have think about the triplet in US who were borned in their 24 weeks. They are blind and deaf. I respect the mother and mother’s boyfriend, who have support the mother all these years. (The biological father has gone nowhere.) Then, the second family with a daughter who has never grown up, despite already 16 years old, the young lady is still like a baby, she need to rely on the walker to walk, she is only the size of a 4 months old baby. The parent and the sister (2 elder and 1 younger) have take care of her for the past 16 years. The recent week has showed a baby with 2 faces – Baby Laili, who was born in a lowest class in India. She has not survived. But it may be a good thing to her parent.

Watching all these unfortunate cases that happened on the parent, I feel sad for them and I thanks god for giving me a healthy baby. I remembered when I first watched the show on the Triplet, I can’t sleep and tears flowed down from my face when looked at my own child. On the other hand, I feel happy for these children for having parents and family members who love them and have not give up on them. They are fortunate in another way.

Fortunate or unfortunate, this is a choice of yours.

Good Friend’s Wedding...

Good friend - FM in University has informed us earlier that her wedding will be held on 23 January 2010. Though the venue is far at Beruas, have been thinking that to attend the wedding with two others good friend with one stays at Johor, Kek (same with me) and the other at Malacca (CG). I / We?! have been thinking that Big Bear (Kek’s hubby) will drive and we will pick CG up when on the way to Beruas...However, the beautiful plan always doesn’t work so perfectly...

Few weeks later have been informed by Kek that Big Bear’s very very good friend also held his wedding on the same day...and he is not able to fetch us up while Kek’s also needs to attend company’s dinner on a day before.

The plan was totally ruin and i was totally no idea what to do and how to go. At the same time, get to know that mum’s medical report will be release on 28 Jan of which i definitely need to go up to KL. In heart i have already prepared the trip will not be materialise.

When called FM, she told us that we are her only “jie mei” (sister who accompany the bride to the groom’s house), and this made me changed my mind again. I was figured out hardly what to do in order to attend FM’s wedding. Try to convince Kek that FM needs us more than Big Bear’s friend needs him (very selfish act) but failed, try to convince Kek to let go her annual dinner and she agrees but her boss doesn’t allow as she is the committee member cum MC of the day.

Kek asked me to go with CG a day before and she will try to come on Sat but i rejected the idea. If go, three must go together and we must attend two functions. My insist is mainly due to i want the trip be more valuable as to attend the wedding, there are quite a number of arrangements and consideration i have to make. If i am away, my hubby and baby need to move to PIL’s house which mean it will trouble two parties. And since the date of the planned trip to Beruas and to KL is too near, this made me adamant. Also, if need to take public transport, we need to stop by Malacca to join CG and take another bus to Ipoh, and from there to take taxi to Beruas. The long journey makes me worry. Both good friends can have a good night rest after the trip but i need to take care my baby and to do some cleaning after few days not at home and need to work on Monday. I am really afraid i am not able to cope it.

I hope all my Good Friends can understand my situations.

Later, my good friends told me that they may hire a taxi to Beruas (from Malacca) and this will cost about RM550 (one way) and we will need to take bus to go back home on second day. Though it is a bit pricey and hubby is quite concern of my safety (but let me decide my own want ), i decide to join the trip since we are able to attend FM’s day time event which she needs us most. Again, nothing is smooth, before i inform my good friends my decision, i have received a call from mum that she will officially move to new house on 24 Jan. And, under this circumstances, i think my mummy need me more by going back to KL i can celebrate my mum’s birthday as well which falls on 25 Jan.

And, i still feel i have miss the chance to have a trip with my good friends and afraid that my good friends will blame me for not able to join in the event. =(

耕字...Blogging

很佩服师姐(Julia)，从宝宝出世至今十九个月了，不停的写部落格，不停的参加杂志比赛，赢了不少奖品。她所做的一切全都是为了让她的宝宝往后有一段美好的回忆。厉害，厉害，佩服佩服。而我，口说说就可以，真的要身体力行真的有些困难。一直都在说时间不够用，那，就等下星期当女佣来临后，再看看自己有没有开始勤于耕字吧！

I need to put my hat off to my senior, Julia. She has continuously updating her blog, participating in various competitions in magazines since her baby born in 19 months ago. She does all this for her baby. She wants her baby to have a sweet good memory in future. To me, dream and say is an easy task than really put it into the action. Always complain that time is insufficient for me to update my blog, then, let’s see whether i will still use the same excuse when my maid arrive next week yah...=)

Roller Coaster Mood

The mood is like a roller coaster this few days. Rushing for deadline and has been working till mid night for two days. Lucky to have hubby to help up to attend to little VT when he woke up at night.

Finally, successfully completed the assignment and grateful that the ultimate boss appreciate and praise the job well done. Who knows the happiness and relief does not last long...after few hours, some not so related colleagues from other department (whom received the assignment of which suppose to be their reference only) sent back the assignment with huge non-value added amendment. Feeling frustrated and sickening...

Pending bosses instruction, went back home early to have a good rest...when reaching home, looking around, feel so save and grateful that i still have a nice house to recover from my frustration. When see my hubby and baby, feeling so bless to have them in my life, to share my up and down, feeling touch to see baby to progress and growing day by day...

This is life. Read from a book..Happiness is forever short term...which will follow by some things that cause u sad, frustrated or have some negative feeling. U need to learn how to cope and blend it well to your life. Remember words from friend - 一念天堂，一念地狱 (your thought may bring you to heaven or hell) 。

又来一次。。。Blogging Again...

这，不是我第一次写部落格。。。
我的第一次因半途而废，所以彻底失败了。。。
希望这一次可以成功。

一直以来，脑海里都有无数的想法，感受，只是没有一一的写下来。是懒吧，也许。
写写部落格，让我想起中学时的日子，我是一个爱写之人，从中学开始，就持续的将自己的感受写下直到大学。开始工作后因没天时，地利，人和，所以逐渐的将这habit遗弃了。去年嫁到柔佛，时间太多，太多感触，又开始执笔，只是没有与人分享。

最近，该忙的事情都忙完了，结婚，生孩子，搬屋子，买车子，人生一切的大事都在一年半里经历了。。。日子开始无聊起来，看看有一师姐很勤劳地维持她的部落格(官言轩语)，心里开始蠢蠢欲动。。。只是没有信心。。。后来有一友人(蛋言蛋语)又sms说可以通过部落格与她联系，好让彼此懂得彼此的消息，心里的热情更是洋溢。。。

昨晚无意发现到原来全世界有好多摩登妈妈都在部落格里认识彼此，有者更成为了深交，所以，趁今晚完成了该完成的家务事，我也来凑凑热闹咯！

This, is not the first time i created my own blog...
My inconsistencies has caused my first blog a total failure...
Hope that i can be successful to maintain a blog this time.

All this while, my mind is running wild with various thought, feeling, opinion..just that have not write it down. Maybe, i am too lazy to do so. I love to write. I started to write since secondary school until university days. I have drop this habit when started to work by giving all sort of excuses like no time, no suitable place and right mood. I married and moved down to Johor last year, too much time and become more sentimental, i started to write again but never share it with anybody.

Recently, have almost gone through all the "life's necessary experiences", married, pregnant, give birth, moved house, bought car and the life start to become blank blank again...Looking at a senior has been very hardworking to maintain and update her blog, the heart start to feel itchy...just don't have enough confidence. Later, another friend from university sms me and told me that can contact and keep in touch with her via her blog, the heart feel more and more itchy...hehe..

Yesterday night, again discovered that there are so many Modermum blogging..and they get to know each other via blog and some have became good friends. Since i have finished my household today, let me OFFICIALLY JOIN THE CROWD to start sharing my life and point of view with you all=)